Sending love and prayers / Saralyn Smith I am so very sorry for your loss of Mike. Having lost my only son 6 years ago, I know the pain you live with on a daily basis, and I pray that God is continuing to send you peace and comfort for each day.
I am honored to welcome Mike's wonderful memorial to Our Golden Angels.
If you have time, please visit my son's memorial at http://RobbieSmith.com. He was just a year younger than Mike, but he died when he was only 16.
Love and hugs, Saralyn
Precious Son / Brenda Clark Judy, Reading about your precious son and seeing his handsome face breaks my heart....I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and the grief that your family is now bearing. Please know that we are here for you always...and your Michael is with you always too. Each day we are one day closer to being with our child again and won't that be a grand reunion in heaven. Blessings and prayers to you, Brenda Mindy's Mom
What a Beautiful website / Natalie Smith-Blakeslee (Friend of Michael's Mom ) Judy, I am so sorry for the loss of Michael...there is no greater pain then the loss of a child. I know and share this greif with you....sisters in greif.
I lost a chld as well, my daughter Carrie Ann Smith, August 17th 1978 - October 2 , 2005
What a beautiful tribute to your son. His bright light will always shine.
God Bless Natalie Carrie's Mom
Beautiful job Judy / Lynette Hendrix (Judys friend ) Judy You have done a beautiful job on this web site. It is so hard to do..I know working on Caleb's site nearly kills me when I do it. But we are where we are and nothing can change what we have now. Your a beautiful person and the love you have for your children shows in the pictures and letters on here. Lynette Calebs momma 4-ever
Happy Father's Day Dad!!! / Judy Well, who led who to the best fishing hole? You probably had a spot all picked out for Mikey and now he's found some more. Even in Heaven your probably still fretting, telling Mom he's going to fall in or get hurt, ha, ha!! Sure miss you Dad, your the best!!! Here's a card I found for you (although your our concrete daddy, everything else describes you). http://www.smilesr4u.com/daddy_got_wings.htm
Happy Birthday! / Moma Bear What would a birthday be without the cake!! Enjoy sweety!! Well the cake's gone! You must of took and goobled that right up!
Happy Heavenly Birthday Mikey!! / Moma Bear Sending some balloons to Heaven for you sweety! Have fun and know you are loved and missed always Mikey Bear!!
Thinking of you and saying prayers to help you to get through these tough days ahead~ / Cheryl Day Friend Of Judy's~ (grieving moms ) Dear Judy, Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and realize it is almost a year since you lost this beautiful young man. I feel your pain and I am with you every step of the way. How do us mothers do it? You have such wisdom and inspiration. God Bless You Judy. Mikey, wrap those wonderful wings around your mom and send her extra hugs through this time. You are a wonderful young man as I can see. She has made a beautiful tribute to you. May you be heavenly buddies with my Joe. God Bless You. Love, Cheryl
Your Going to be Honored!!! / Moma Bear Hey Mikey Bear!!! Big hugs from Moma Bear!! I got an email today from a group named Sharing Grief Awakening Life asking to feature your site as Website of the Month!! Well is that why you've had me so busy working on it?!!
It's been another struggling day, the usual carrying this ball and chain of grief and then nothing seeming to work out. While I'm not suicidal, I definitely have a death wish. I can't wait to come Home!! The only way this day to day suffering is tolerable is thinking it just may be the price I'm to pay to be by you. It's so hard though. I was meditating on what to do, what path to take today and when I'm really hurting, the place that always comforts me is home. A time when I felt secure as a girl with Grandma and Grandpa. I could hear their voices and the sounds of the kitchen as Grandma put supper on the table and the birds singing. I smelt the summer breeze of yester years. This many a times has brought me comfort. Of course I miss them so too. Tell them I love them and will be sending Grandpa a card to Heaven. You be happy, it is your time and right to do so. Moma Bear has to do whatever it is I have to do and will see you soon when it's my time to come there. Everything is as it should be. That doesn't mean though I have to like it! I love you Mikey Bear!! Now go play and have fun, tease Grandpa a bunch for me and aggrevate Grandma even more, ha ha! Love Moma Bear.
Miss You So Much!!! / Moma Bear Hey Mikey! Been working on your site again....I actually had this baziarre thought that if I got it done really nice I'd get to come home by you. That my work here would be accomplished. Boy don't I wish!! I'm learning to go with the pain, let it engulf me knowing the tidal wave will go back out again if only for a little while. There are just no words and it's so frustrating when you feel like you can't express yourself. No vocabulary exists for this experience. I tried explaining these undescribeable feelings to other angel moms, to put words to these gut wretching emotions for us....one who's an editor said I express the essence of this and should write articles. I've had another copyright one of my poems stating I should try to get it published. I don't know why I have a need to verbalize these feelings, but I do. Maybe so others can understand and those of us living with this pain can find a way, the words to express it. Maybe that will be my job. I was told us Angel Moms have a job now and I just can't seem to get an earthly one let alone a job from Heaven!! For crying out loud, help me out here! I know your probably trying to scream at me, "Mom I've done everything but write it on the wall for you!" I think siblings have a job to do now too and am wondering what Lynnie's and Matty's is. Oh Mikey Bear this is hell!!! Surely I've paid any owed dues and will by you soon. I love and miss you so much! I will pick up and get trying again soon. I've learned to go with the pain when the tide comes in and know it will be calmer again. I wish I knew what you were doing up there, what your job is and why you'd have one anyhow. Tell God I'm just plumb wore out so I want the relaxation room when I get there!! Love you honey and all will be as it should be as I will keep my faith in God and I know He knows what he's doing even if I don't like it. Someday all this won't matter when I'm in Heaven with everyone. Right now though, it's all a struggle and I'm trying to do the best I can coping with it all. So until we meet again...may we never spiritually be disconnected.
Rembering you every moment of this Memorial Day! / Moma Bear
Sending you this letter on Memorial Day Mikey Bear. I have thought about you constantly all weekend, missing and loving you from here. I added some nice links to memorial sites to remember all our armed forces who have died, are fighting now or have signed up and vowed the Creed to serve. I'm gaining a deeper understanding of the sacrifices made and the FREEDOM we have because of such. While I always held my breath and still do for Matt that you didn't get sent off to fight, I'm still so very proud of both of you. I don't know that the Army would send Matt being my only son of this earth now. It doesn't seem so.
I see DJ lit another candle for you. Him and Jonathan sure liked you and Matt around. Especially Matt as he was around them more. I wish Matt was here to spend time with them. They miss their Dad so much. Tell Dave I said "hi and to send the boys a hug." I sent another letter to Heaven for you today and gave Jonathan and DJ the address to write their Dad too. I see Melisa said Rachael drew you a picture for your birthday. She needs to add it on here for you.
Tell Jim to wrap his wings around Jimmy and bring him some comfort. You could also say hello and let your cousin know your with him and surround him with white light.
There was a parade at Jackson park today and I watched some of it from my window. I remember the days when you and Matt use to play there and you had your pic taken and put in the paper playing hockey sac. Memories...oh so sweet... Aunt Karen still has the article and is going to send it so I can put it on here.
Well, I miss you like crazy and I don't know what to do. This journey is not like a virus that you get better. This grief will never go away and I'm trying to learn to live with it. Some moments are better than others and I'm adjusting to the tides. When the tide rolls in, I try to go with it letting grief absorb my whole being. And when it rolls back out I find an inner peace washing over me once again. But as long as I'm of this earth, the tide will keep on coming in, but like the rainbow after the storm, when the tide goes back out, all is calm once more. Our Indian culture believes in the cleansing of water, for the spirit as well as the body. When the tide is up I find myself quiet in my pain for the most part, reflecting and nurturing my soul (with much help from the Great Spirit). Then I'm my now normal for awhile, feeling the vibrance of life and the goodness of God.
So my darling son, until we meet again on Heaven's Golden shore, visit me now and then. Love Moma Bear
Missing you this Memorial Weekend / Moma Bear
Been updating your site and visiting you Mikey Bear. I added the cross/gravesite in by your picture so we can visit your grave here. I feel your spirit lives everywhere and I don't need to stand over your gravesite to mourn or remember you. It's never been my way anyhow. I want to remember all you gave, not all I lost. The memories are what I have now and your visits. I feel close to you here, maybe it's humans deceiving themselves for their own comfort, but I truly feel you here. It's as if you watch over us and this is one way you do so. I'm sure you seen Davis's picture added. He has the eyes of an old soul, maybe that's why they remind me of you. Ben already adores and watches over him. I went to my first Compassionate Friends meeting Thursday and they said I just smiled when I said I know your happy. What could you want more for your children then to be in the Kingdom of Heaven? Except the selfishness of wanting you here with me. While I never had a doubt you went to Heaven, I don't know how to go on without you. I really hate the term your forever 23. If I just take it one day at a time then I'm alright consoling myself with the fact your forever happy and waiting for Moma Bear. Some days I just cant' wait to get there and I know when it's my time I'll be there, but it's not up to me when. So I try to focus on what I need to do and make you proud, yet I'm tired...wore out from grieving, from life kicking me all the time, all the social injustice that I don't know how to combat to even make a difference. I need some help here Mikey! I guess/heard Jimmy Peck died and I know you were there to greet him. While there are many out there who've lost a child, I didn't see or recognize this till you were gone. How many have lost a child, not many it seemed, so I ask why me, why did I lose a child? Why? That's all you worry about when their younger and I thought you's were in the clear, past adolescents and onto adulthood to live your lives. That's where faith must come in, to believe there's a reason outside of our human grasp of understanding. The knowing your with our Creator who blessed me for a little while with you. I got to see you become a man and I am so proud of you!!! I love you always!!!
Good Morning Michael! / Moma Bear It's a nice day although right now feels a little chilly. Hopefully it warms up as we're having a cookout later. I don't know who all is coming, I think Aunt Joy and the girls and Uncle Ron and Aunt Debbie. Aunt Karen is still here and has been garage saling like crazy. Yesterday Uncle Ron was up here and everyone helped put Aunt Cathy's flower bed together. It really turned out nice. I'm going to plant a flower for you and Grandma and Grandpa. When I'm settled in my own place, I plan on planting a tree and garden for you. I got my hummingbird feeder hung and am waiting for you!!! And Bubba got a really pretty hummingbird flag to put out there too! Thinking of you as always and sending many hugs and kisses your way OOOOOXXXXXXOOOOOXXXXXOOOO.
Thinking of you on your Birthday! / Moma Bear Hi there Mikey Bear! I'm sure you got the balloons me and Bubba sent you as they went straight up to Heaven. Bubba sent one from him and one from Matty. I sent you one from me and one from Lynnie. It was a sweet and yet sad moment. It felt as if you were free and I could sense that. The balloons had their destination it seemed and although released at different times ended up going the same way on their own, not forced by wind. Bubba did tie his and Matty's together. They went up beyond sight so I know you got them honey. We are all missing you so much. The memories are so bittersweet as they make us happy and hurt all at the same time. It is so hard to come to terms with every year you will be forever 23. We will forever hold you in our hearts and memories. Never will your birthday or a holiday pass that we won't do something in your name and honor. For your angel anniversary next month we'll all write a memory we each have of you to make us smile and I'll send up an anniversary balloon. I know Heaven was happy to get you and will be rejoicing on your angel day. I thought you'd like the Cherokee butterfly and I always think of you when I see them. Love you so so much my son!!
my cuz mike was a great man. to me and are hole family. we all love u so much mike miss u to. i have shaded a millon teirs today for u. today me and your mama went to the river sent u some balloons to u. i hope u get them. well it getting to hard to say what i have to say love u and miss so much.
Dear,Michael I miss you so much there is not a day that goes by that i am not going to this beautiful site your mom built for you or looking at all the pictures i have of you. I woke up this morning and i said its Michael's Birthday! Boy we would be having a good time today and we would of gotten with you today me and my brothers no matter how far we had to travel we always seen u on your birthday and you seen us on ours Michael my brothers and i miss you soo much,And there is no words to describe how much your mother misses you... Randy and I and Jolene are going to let off some balloons in honor of you we hear that your mom was going to do it and we thought we want him to see ours go by too. I came on to see your site today and i read your moms new letter and the one Jolene and randy wrote to you and i just started balling like a baby i miss u soo much Michael and i cant say that enough. There will never be a day that goes by that i will not think of u I love You With All My HEART AND I ALWAYS WILL!!! Give all my family members up ther in heaven with u hugs and kisses for me please.I love you and i miss u very very much always and for life you were always more than just a cousin to me i alway thought of you as more of a brother and alway loved your family soo much well i guess i have taken up my space love you ALWAYS MIKEY Love ,your Cousin Melisa Blackburn
Happy Birthday Michael / Randy/Jolene Blackburn (Cousin)
We love you and miss you so much and we think about u everyday we even look at pic's of u and all the fun we had together.. Today is your birthday and randy and I and your cousin Melisa and a few others are going to send you some balloons so be waching for theme :) It's going to be so hard for randy he misses you so much and somedays its hard for him to even think u are gone, but he know's you are here with him.. Help him today when he sends you the balloons hes gonna need u by his side. miss u so much mike we had soem great times and i'm so happy i got ta meet you and be apart of this family going on 6 years, you were so funny and we had great times when you came to vist us, you were so easy to talk to rigth away, you sure knew how to make people happy and make theme smile, you were a great guy.. Well Randy the 3rd is doing great hes growing so fast and he's starting to look like his mommy sorry randy lol.. Miranda looks just like him and wow his she growning fast too getting so smart, put it this way she just like him and eveyone says yeh she just like little randy was when he was young oh NO haha.. Nathan now he grew fast too and he his going to be starting school this year, hes so happy.. We love u and we will NEVER for get about u. Happy Birthday Mikey xoxoxoxoxoxoxox For ever and always Randy And Jolene
Happy Birthday! / Moma Bear It's your birthday here for us although I know you celebrate your angel birthday in Heaven next month. We're not there yet so we celebrate the joy of you on this earth the day you were born to it. We will remember you and honor your Heavenly date too honey. It's been a good day Mikey! I needed family and they've been wonderful! I "listen" to my online angel moms that feel family doesn't support them and didn't feel my did for awhile. They've been great and when I see they love and miss you and remember you just brightens my day! It doesn't hurt me when they mention you, it hurts if they don't. When I see you visited, loved and remembered, you lived and your life mattered! They've all been wonderful Mikey even though I pray they never understand what losing a child truly entails. It's so strange to explain. I need time to myself, then I need them, then I don't know what I need. This journey of grief is undescribable. I thought losing my parents was the worst thing that could happen to me and when I lost you and wanted Grandma, I had to console myself with the fact that you had her and Grandpa there to meet you. But I felt so alone and looked at all our family around and they don't know how that got me thru and what it meant to me. Poor Randy sitting by your casket and Bubba just sobbing and Sissy and Brother so lost, I tried to hold it together while I was ripping apart and yet numb. And there was so many there, Uncle Randy and Aunt Diane to the rescue, their presence with Aunt Cathy's girls and everyone else gave me strength. If I had it to do over again though, I'd stand up and scream so many things; "he wasn't baptist, he was Catholic, where are his dog tags, his driver's licence, his social security card (his wallet)." That's o.k. honey as I told you always sign Jr., the man who sperm donated to give me you will hang himself. I may go back and redo this, but why did I stand there empty handed while he took your flag? That was my last straw! Yes I'm angry!!! Hurt me, not my children!! When I watched your memory and who you were so dishonored and Matthew and Lynnie so hurt by what was said and not said, I couldn't speak for trying to hold myself together and bury you as an honorable man and soldier, the last respect I could give and the first step on the journey of what Matty, Lynnie and I had to endure. When they arrested Matt and I broke down and called that ass he was as happy as could be while Matty was sitting in jail! He had 125,000 dollars of my son's money! Where is he now, using MY SON"S name for credit! Check it out if any of you "investigators!" are doing your job!! Michael's maternal uncles were his father. His biological one never paid child support child or would even call his children.
Sorry Michael, I know in Heaven there is no pain, yet I also know, there is justice! And he is not getting away with this. The Griffith's are cold hearted, blooded assholes that need to be stopped and I know you'd want it done for Matty's sake! Your site is not meant for disputes, this is one I know you want covered.
With our talks we had built our memories true, And we always knew we'd be there for each other thru and thru. No matter what, we'd stand for what we believed. We taught that to each other throughout the years we weaved.
I love you Mikey Bear, this you know, because my children will always have my heart, no matter what our destiny might bestow. We will live and love forever more!
Happy Birthday Tommorrow! / Moma Bear Hi Mikey Bear!! It's your earthly birthday tommorrow. I celebrate the fact that you were and will always be remembered on your birthday. The day you were given to me by God if only for a little while. You'll always be forever 23 now, so that is different and I'm trying to cope and adjust to that. Yet I know that's 23 years I'd never give up having known and loved you as a son, companion and friend.
Lynnie is here as you know with Ben and Davis. You'd be so proud of all of them Mikey! Ben is lanky like you were, but may fill out more like Matt did although I'm not sure how cause he don't have no baby fat like Matt did, but is tall and slim like you always were. He is an apple eater! Like you he eats when he's hungry not just to grab, taste and waste. And obviously has a taste for good food. Remember Matt was the sweet tooth and the constant saying at supper was, "no eat, no treat." Boy he'd try to eat his supper and it was a chore for him and I before he finally got big enough that I gave up. Lynnie thinks Davis looks like John, but I see your big eyes and thinks he has your nose. He is really little though and he's five weeks old now and still smaller than any of you when you's were born! He's good tempered like all of you's were too. Ben is so smart and didn't know what to think about all this family and told Bubba he didn't want that many cousins, ha, ha! He just wanted to know if there were kids here and soon enough he got to meet a bunch of them! I wish I could see Conner! I miss him so. He's so cute and took to Grandma right away letting me just hug and kiss on him. I haven't heard from Matt and as always hope he is forever fine.
I see your cousins have been visiting you too! How they miss you so. We never seem to fully realize what we have till it's gone. We all love you so much Michael, you touched our lives in a deep and meaningful way. Well, Miranda is so big I wouldn't have recognized her! I haven't seen Randy's new son yet, what a joy that must be for him. Haley is getting big but still looks like Uncle Ronnie to me and Rachael still looks like herself but is no longer a baby anymore. All Aunt Cathy's grandkids are growing and developing their own personalities. I see someone in almost everyone of them though. One of Jamie's twins is just like Uncle Dave and he's only two!! Well sweetie know that we love and miss you very much and we know your watching over us all.
Aunt Karen, Lynnie and I and some others are going to the river tommorrow to do a balloon release for your birthday, so be watching for them in Heaven! Bubba said Randy and Jolene are going to do one in Kansas too, so you'll have lots of balloons honey!!
Love you with all our hearts!! We will never ever forget you for as long as we breath you are with us here and forever after.
Love Moma Bear
11 Months now in Heaven and I miss you so! / Moma Bear On Easter was your 10 month angel anniversary. Although I wasn't able to visit you, I thought about you all day honey. Your always in my heart and will remain so. And your a second away if not already on my mind. I miss you so much Mikey Bear, I just don't know what to do with all the heartache and lonliness that grips hold of me. I'm living the unimaginable and it feels like hell. Well its Springtime, the time I year I always miss Grandpa the most and now you too. I heard they do get hummingbirds here and I'm going to get a feeder. That's been a way you visit me and I'll be looking for you honey. I remember last summer picking them flowers like in this picture to put in your Novena candle (that burned for 5 days and nights) and got poison sumac. That was awful!! As always though you made me laugh when I felt someone's presence and looked up and there was your picture and I felt you laughing at me and I said, "you little shit your laughing at me aren't you?" Here I was putting pink calmine lotion all over me and your laughing at me. Ah, that's alright, I had to laugh with you as I was quite a site.
It's your birthday Friday, that will always be a celebration day of your life, born here on earth. Next month you'll be celebrating your first year angel anniversary. Know you are always loved and missed and will never be forgotten.
Tributes and Condolences
Well, who led who to the best fishing hole? You probably had a spot all picked out for Mikey and now he's found some more. Even in Heaven your probably still fretting, telling Mom he's going to fall in or get hurt, ha, ha!! Sure miss you Dad, your the best!!! Here's a card I found for you (although your our concrete daddy, everything else describes you). 
Sending some balloons to Heaven for you sweety! Have fun and know you are loved and missed always Mikey Bear!!
Hey Mikey Bear!!! Big hugs from Moma Bear!! I got an email today from a group named Sharing Grief Awakening Life asking to feature your site as Website of the Month!! Well is that why you've had me so busy working on it?!! 
Sending you this letter on Memorial Day Mikey Bear. I have thought about you constantly all weekend, missing and loving you from here. I added some nice links to memorial sites to remember all our armed forces who have died, are fighting now or have signed up and vowed the Creed to serve. I'm gaining a deeper understanding of the sacrifices made and the FREEDOM we have because of such. While I always held my breath and still do for Matt that you didn't get sent off to fight, I'm still so very proud of both of you. I don't know that the Army would send Matt being my only son of this earth now. It doesn't seem so.
Been updating your site and visiting you Mikey Bear. I added the cross/gravesite in by your picture so we can visit your grave here. I feel your spirit lives everywhere and I don't need to stand over your gravesite to mourn or remember you. It's never been my way anyhow. I want to remember all you gave, not all I lost. The memories are what I have now and your visits. I feel close to you here, maybe it's humans deceiving themselves for their own comfort, but I truly feel you here. It's as if you watch over us and this is one way you do so. I'm sure you seen Davis's picture added. He has the eyes of an old soul, maybe that's why they remind me of you. Ben already adores and watches over him. I went to my first Compassionate Friends meeting Thursday and they said I just smiled when I said I know your happy. What could you want more for your children then to be in the Kingdom of Heaven? Except the selfishness of wanting you here with me. While I never had a doubt you went to Heaven, I don't know how to go on without you. I really hate the term your forever 23. If I just take it one day at a time then I'm alright consoling myself with the fact your forever happy and waiting for Moma Bear. Some days I just cant' wait to get there and I know when it's my time I'll be there, but it's not up to me when. So I try to focus on what I need to do and make you proud, yet I'm tired...wore out from grieving, from life kicking me all the time, all the social injustice that I don't know how to combat to even make a difference. I need some help here Mikey! I guess/heard Jimmy Peck died and I know you were there to greet him. While there are many out there who've lost a child, I didn't see or recognize this till you were gone. How many have lost a child, not many it seemed, so I ask why me, why did I lose a child? Why? That's all you worry about when their younger and I thought you's were in the clear, past adolescents and onto adulthood to live your lives. That's where faith must come in, to believe there's a reason outside of our human grasp of understanding. The knowing your with our Creator who blessed me for a little while with you. I got to see you become a man and I am so proud of you!!! I love you always!!!
It's a nice day although right now feels a little chilly. Hopefully it warms up as we're having a cookout later. I don't know who all is coming, I think Aunt Joy and the girls and Uncle Ron and Aunt Debbie. Aunt Karen is still here and has been garage saling like crazy. Yesterday Uncle Ron was up here and everyone helped put Aunt Cathy's flower bed together. It really turned out nice. I'm going to plant a flower for you and Grandma and Grandpa. When I'm settled in my own place, I plan on planting a tree and garden for you. I got my hummingbird feeder hung and am waiting for you!!! And Bubba got a really pretty hummingbird flag to put out there too! Thinking of you as always and sending many hugs and kisses your way OOOOOXXXXXXOOOOOXXXXXOOOO.
Hi there Mikey Bear! I'm sure you got the balloons me and Bubba sent you as they went straight up to Heaven. Bubba sent one from him and one from Matty. I sent you one from me and one from Lynnie. It was a sweet and yet sad moment. It felt as if you were free and I could sense that. The balloons had their destination it seemed and although released at different times ended up going the same way on their own, not forced by wind. Bubba did tie his and Matty's together. They went up beyond sight so I know you got them honey. We are all missing you so much. The memories are so bittersweet as they make us happy and hurt all at the same time. It is so hard to come to terms with every year you will be forever 23. We will forever hold you in our hearts and memories. Never will your birthday or a holiday pass that we won't do something in your name and honor. For your angel anniversary next month we'll all write a memory we each have of you to make us smile and I'll send up an anniversary balloon. I know Heaven was happy to get you and will be rejoicing on your angel day. I thought you'd like the Cherokee butterfly and I always think of you when I see them. Love you so so much my son!! 
Hi Mikey Bear!! It's your earthly birthday tommorrow. I celebrate the fact that you were and will always be remembered on your birthday. The day you were given to me by God if only for a little while. You'll always be forever 23 now, so that is different and I'm trying to cope and adjust to that. Yet I know that's 23 years I'd never give up having known and loved you as a son, companion and friend. 
On Easter was your 10 month angel anniversary. Although I wasn't able to visit you, I thought about you all day honey. Your always in my heart and will remain so. And your a second away if not already on my mind. I miss you so much Mikey Bear, I just don't know what to do with all the heartache and lonliness that grips hold of me. I'm living the unimaginable and it feels like hell. Well its Springtime, the time I year I always miss Grandpa the most and now you too. I heard they do get hummingbirds here and I'm going to get a feeder. That's been a way you visit me and I'll be looking for you honey. I remember last summer picking them flowers like in this picture to put in your Novena candle (that burned for 5 days and nights) and got poison sumac. That was awful!! As always though you made me laugh when I felt someone's presence and looked up and there was your picture and I felt you laughing at me and I said, "you little shit your laughing at me aren't you?" Here I was putting pink calmine lotion all over me and your laughing at me. Ah, that's alright, I had to laugh with you as I was quite a site. 
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